So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
