I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
