Sponge bath it is.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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