Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
