just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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