oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
