Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
