Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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