Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
