she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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