sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
