i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize