ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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