Swine flu. Run for my life!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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