Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize