I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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