he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
