why didn't you poke me back
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
