The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
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