Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
