Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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