my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
