You surviving the open bar?
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My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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