i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize