her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
