Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
