under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is the high leading the old right now
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
