Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
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