Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
