ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If I die, sorry about rent.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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