You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
