So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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