I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
