You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
