Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.

Fav 15 5230 1286
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(317): View more from Indiana

she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.

Fav 51 1451 6027
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(612): View more from Minnesota

i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain

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(562): View more from California

Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.

Fav 7 4200 1591
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(615): View more from Tennessee

i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.

Fav 2 2060 940
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(+79): View more from

You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win

Fav 4 2043 723
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(949): View more from California

"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.

Fav 0 887 527
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(530): View more from California

What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.

Fav 0 26 34
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