Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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