last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
