The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
