Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
