It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
