I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
