was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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