I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize