Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
