You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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