I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize