Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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