She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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