I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
