That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize