dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
