my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
