you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
