I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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