I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
