New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
