I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
