I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
