Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
