Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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