we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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