before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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