this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
