I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
