I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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