Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
