$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
