Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
