atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize