Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
