Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
