So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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