I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
